When did we stop “Taking a Lover?”

Whatever happened to just taking a lover? Not a love, nor a fling, nor a 7 out of 10 Tinder date you're trying to see if you're compatible with. But, simply a lover. I think of the poets, the artists, the Europeans—who got it so right, who wore their affairs like wine stains and wrote sonnets about their secrets. Creating art from the simple act of being in someone’s company—art that was meant to begin but never meant to last, and that was alright. Taking a lover was about the exchange, the honesty of two people using each other to feel alive for a little while.

Passion without pretense. Intimacy without permanence.

Have we become so drained of casual intimacy that we now look down upon it? Intimacy, after all, is a basic human need—touch, connection, being seen for a moment without expectation. Yet somehow, we’ve turned taking a lover into something shameful when it used to be something simply human, simply beautiful.

We’ve become so caught up in a world of loners with AirPods stealing us from the pulse of real connection. Swipes have replaced the art of flirtation, and our charm has been reduced to emojis and carefully curated captions. One might ask, in this new world, is there even room left for a flicker of genuine desire? For the kind of playful, electric tension that once existed between strangers? Since when have we become so desperate to turn every fleeting connection into permanence? To satisfy the status quo? Earn an invitation to the couples’ dinners? Show off with those beach walks for two, whilst both staring at your phones?

What’s the rush? Why the obsession with permanence? Why have we put shame on those who choose to take lovers? Would the world not be softer, kinder, if we allowed ourselves to take lovers freely—to connect, to experience, to feel?

I can see why people follow the crowd. Yet, somewhere in that pursuit, we’ve forgotten the beauty of fleetingness—the brief, electric, perfectly imperfect connections that make us feel alive, if only for a night.

I hope one day we’ll remember how to take a lover without fear, without ownership, without judgement. Just the subtle ache of two souls meeting for a fraction, before drifting back into the world.

Stay You, xx

Naked In Neverland